...is the process by which we create, discover, learn and grow with those we cherish most.


"how do you hold a moon beam in your hand?"


After getting the kids fastened and settled with books in their car seats, I drove off not anticipating the next moment. That's how most of our days are. Transitioning from one to the next. This evening, we had library books due and a 40% off coupon from Half-Price books burning in my pocket. Aaron, a natural big kid at heart, loves to make a production out of good news - for the sole reason that he just loves to make people happy. I noticed him grinning from the corner of my eye as I was driving out of our neighborhood. He flashed an envelope that he had picked up from the mailbox on his way out the door.

"Guess what?" he said, while dangling fate. It was a letter from The da Vinci School - where Ava had attended camp in June and anticipates in returning this fall for "school." This letter would dictate whether or not she's been accepted. This letter will determine a year's worth of comings and goings. I turned the wheel to pull over, but didn't make it. I just pressed on the brakes, turned to him, and teasingly smacked his arms to hurry up. "Open it, open it, open it" I managed to sound out. But he took his time - trying to be civil about opening a letter - even though I know inside he wanted to rip it open and scream like a girl at a New Kids on the Block concert. Ava & Noah in their usual "yeah we're going shopping" attitudes sat patiently listening to Ava's favorite soundtrack from The Sound of Music with no idea what kind of mischief their parents were up to.

We both scanned the first page fast, our eyes looking for that one word that beckons squeals. Unfortunately, our greeting didn't read "congratulations!" but instead, "As you know..." Aaron flipped to the second page where a hand written note from the director informed us that too many siblings have enrolled into the program this year and that she hopes they may consider Ava for placement in '09-'10.

Aaron grabbed my face with both hands - kissed it - and with the most sincere voice apologized on behalf of the school. We both spun a few times in our seats - letting the wave of parental anxiety pass us.

I allowed myself to get disappointed, upset - and mostly, feel guilty for not having done more [like placing her on other waiting lists]. The letter in our hands crushed our hearts a tiny bit. Because it was just yesterday at breakfast when I was telling her about 2 events I had planned for her and I to do together in the coming weeks. "Won't that be fun Ava?" I asked knowing what her response would be. Except, she paralyzed me with, "... and Ava goes to school..."

Ava goes to school. Like Pinocchio, Ava is also a little adventurer who desperately wants to see the world - and be like all the other 2 year olds - no matter how much I want to hold onto her and beg her not to grow up so fast. While consumed with all this parental guilt, the song Maria played in the background, and all of a sudden I am smiling.

"How do you hold a moon beam in your hand?" sang the chorus. A moon beam! What an incredible way to describe our blessings. So how do you? How do you hold onto lights destined for the skies?

Our little moon beams, bursts of energy we instinctly know we can't have all to ourselves - but instead be guided by their glittering rays they leave behind when they are ready to go.

Ava has many years of schooling ahead of her - her not attending this year is a blessing for all of us. For starters, I'll get to teach, create, play, and learn with her first through these toddler years. While camp first introduced her to rocket ships - I'm already on the plight of teaching her about the solar system! And I'm already thinking of the calendar year and how I can prepare themes for each month so that we can coordinate art projects and field trips around town...


And while the "siblings" of current da Vinci students may have earned themselves seats this school year- there is one particular sibling I know, sweet 1 yr old Noah, that has earned himself the best seat in the house...

big sister

... on top of a moon beam.


  1. Words cannot really describe how Zarlacht and I felt upon reading that letter. I said I felt like someone punched the daddy out of me. There isn't a thing I would not do for Ava... and yet I felt so helpless...

    But Zarlacht, as usual, was able to spin this in a positive light which is what we both needed...

    ...and when it is Ava's turn to go to school, we will (hopefully) be ready to let her go.


  2. A blessing in disguise! Your words put me to tears little sis - especially the last sentence.
    Now tell me, when can I enroll Humzah into the Moon Beam Academy?

  3. ;) Moon Beam Academy - I love it Wagma! September 2nd is the first day of school - And there is no waiting list ;)

  4. Ava and Noah are so blessed to have you and Aaron as parents. Everytime I read your blog entries and read Aaron comments, I think, wow, I don't know any parents that could love their children any more. I've said before and I'll keep saying it, you and Aaron are such an inspiration to Dave and me.

    Let me know if you need a logo for The Moon Beam Academy!

    Much love,

  5. Wow - what a compliment my dear Corbin! And what divine karma. I've always said, and still do that you and Dave are two exceptional individuals whose love transcends beyond inspiration. It's nice to be able to reciprocate some of that back ;) Thank you for acknowledging this and more importantly, for embracing Ava & Noah - and the rest of our family - so lovingly in your hearts. I love you guys!

  6. i love the photos... they are so great!
    as for school... oh i am bothered by it... my son starts in september!

  7. Hi Ze! Thanks so much! How did you choose the school your son is going to? And how are you dealing with ... letting go?

  8. Oh i am putting him in a small kindergarden in my mothers village.
    It only has like 25 kids i think... it's a public school, yet being in the village it isn't confusing lie the city. Of course i must take a 10 km drive every day:)

  9. 25 kids in the class or in the entire school? It's hard to find a school with classes smaller than 10 students. The da Vinci school we wanted her to go to had only 6. I'd love to see pictures of your son's school in the village. Do you worry that being in such a small school that he won't be exposed to much? Although, being away from the city sounds definitely ideal - so each child is given that one-on-one attention they deserve. How wonderful! Please do send me pictures!!

  10. the entire school!

    hey, do you have messenger.
    Mine is zeliamateusevora@yahoo.com

  11. I am sorry that the way you had it all pictured did not happen but I am happy she is home with you and Noah and Daddy. Because she really is at school in her home. You are the kind of mother who teach her everyday and discipline her. Maybe a school program that is twice a week like music lessons or gymnastics will help her make new friends, give her the pride of going to a school and use her talents. She has years and years ahead of her to worry about school. All works out for the best. I love you - Grandma

  12. Zarlacht Jaan, the passage you wrote was incredibly beautiful. although ava was LUCKY to not get in the the di vinci school- the best school is the learnings from her mother at academy Le moon Beam. things will work out. and ive always been proud of theway you taught your children. as far as a i know- by the time all those kids get outta school, ava will be spinning in circles around them saying "i can do this..can you?" and they'll sadly say no.

  13. Thanks Mom & Roshana! I know you both are completely right. And the affirmations are really helping me get through this - thank you for your support and vote of confidence in our little school at home ;)

  14. I love this post. It shows how much you work on yourselves as persons in order to be better parents to your children.
    I am on that same path, searching for schools for Zoe. Next year she will be there, but still don't know to which one she'll be going. This past year I refused to send her to school, even though people look at me like I am crazy (choosing to stay with her at home, but expressed under the excuse of "they need to socialize"). I was a blessing indeed. She is now more grown, firmly standing on the roots of her personality and not overexposed to childhood consumption.
    It will be OK for your family and Ava.
    And clearly, it will be OK with Noah! (Lovely picture).
    Look what I made for Ava... (check your email).


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